Well, mom died on August 6, 2009. Her funeral was on the 13th. The following Monday, I returned to work. I have been fine at work. It is business as usual as Red River College is gearing up for classes starting next week. However, I feel like I am carrying a big secret around. I think about it when I am passing people in the hallways of the College. I think, "You have no idea that I am grieving right now." I am actually in the pit of despair. So, as long as there are people around me I appear to be handling the situation. As soon as I am alone in the car or at home by myself I let my mind wander to memories, her time at the hospital, the impact of her death on me and the family, and so forth. This is not how I imagined it would be. There is a gaping vacuum in my world where I think she should be.
I know, I know...she is not in pain anymore. I really do believe she is in a better place. I believe she is with family gone before her. I feel that Heavenly Father loves her and still has a plan for her in the next stage of her eternal life. This really does bring me peace and comfort.
In addition, I have felt an outpouring of love from others who are mourning with me. I think I have had hundreds of hugs in the past 2 weeks. It amazes me how kind and thoughtful people have been.
You know, my mom lost a couple of babies before I was born. When I was a teenager, I would ask her about how she felt when they died. She told me there is pain and it hurts and it never really goes away...you just learn to go on with your life. I think about that. I guess I am learning to go on.
8 years ago